Friday, April 03, 2009

Two months with You


Dear Arhaan,
When you were but an idea I would think of a day in future when I would be chronicling your ups and downs...unfortunately you are growing up in a time where the madness that has taken over my world has eclipsed all your quirks. I also realise that you are growing up in unusual times and perhaps it is best I forget what the books say and come up with a 'model' which is our own. I have a group of remarkable women who are backing me up and I cant wait till you meet them and hopefully thank them for allowing us to break the rules. We have already concluded that we will do away with good ol' Spock and his disdain for the ways of the "Third World" and lack of individualism. Your grand mother will despair that I am raising you as a 'villager' (we will not get into a debate on the burden of the post-colonial at this stage)but something tells me it will make you stronger and happier and as one clever woman has told me save you from years of therapy! So the cot and your daytime crib will only be visited when you are comfortable...it can be a 'holding area' for your cot toys and blankets and the hand mitts that you refuse to wear. We will demand feed and Im hoping that you will grow up to have a healthy relationship to food.
This month you attended your first book launch and made a group of jaded academics laugh and be a wee bit more optimistic about the world for a few hours...you also surprised me by spending a whole evening this Thursday without me with your father, there were no tantrums, you didnt go hungry (so my brief episode of sheer panic and tears during the coffee break was quite unncessary)and I guess this means you stay home rather than coming to uni on Thursdays.
There was a week when I was overwhelmed by the nitty-grittiness of raising you...I feel confused and guilty when I worry about your not sleeping when and where you should and by your neediness. This as these problems dwarf in the face of the enormity of the crisis that has gripped my part of the world.
I realise (and have been reminded) that you are but one of a million other souls who came into this world the same day and a very wise woman has cautioned me to stop fretting about the 'little stuff' as there will be a million other moms also marking the same milestones, fretting about the same things. But it goes to your credit that you melt my hardened heart...last night as you lay besides me on my pillow and and cooed and giggled me into opening my eyes (Cmon, I am not buying you have gone to sleep and there is no forcing me into taking a nap)I laughed as I have not in many days..and I prayed fervently that some where out there where the madness rules other sweet souls are making their mothers forget their pain for a moment too.

May you grow up to a happier world and may none of the demons that visit me cross your door step.
all my prayers and more.

15 comments:

  1. Oh, beautiful, beautiful post. =)

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  2. me and my mother have a strange relationship. We cone from and associate ourselves with totally different worlds. My mother grew up with an average education, a rigid and tradition bound father, and the most conservative of values, as well as in a family with a much lower income scale compared to (mashallah) where we are right now.
    I, on the other hand was brought up in prosperity, albeit with rather middle-class values. Personally, I believe that the upbringing I had has imbued me with a lot of versatility, socially speaking. That versatility has taught me humility and respect (do I sound like I'm tooting my own horn? I hope not) as a result of being exposed to many people with many different values. I may have not gotten the best if educations (which will probably remain one if my greatest regrets for the rest of my life) but I acknowledge that my parents did the best they could to the best of their knowledge.
    Despite all this, there are many points of divergence between us and it very often becomes very difficult to relate to or even understand each other.
    We all change throughout our lives- but there is a certain bedrock personality (I believe) to us all that may change in context- but will change very in essence.
    I hope that I don't sound presumptuous when I say that, at this early point in time, the empathetic two way relationship between you and arhaan is quite young- and more importantly, relatively unblemished by the world and time. It is at the stage of its raw essence- its very core.
    Posts like this make it easier for those of us who should he grown up but are still going through growing pains to love our own mother. IMHO.
    Thank you. :-)

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  3. somethingrichandstrangeSaturday, April 04, 2009

    i'm usually a silent reader on blogs, but this compelled me to write. absolutely beautiful post :)

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  4. This made me cry Aneela. I feel you. Love to you both, in these bad times. The year my daughter was born was also a year like this 1991-92 ...went through the same feelings.

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  5. That's such a beautiful and curiously moving post. Take care, Aneela. I do hope, for all of our sakes, that things get better soon.

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  6. I know what you are going through. It feels almost absurdly selfish to have children in this world. But by God, they make us feel better, don't they?

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  7. Well said. Here's hoping the young souls see a happy peaceful world and be the force for mankind to progress.

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  8. there are so so many echoes here- things i tell myself and feel. loved the post. maybe we should just be selfish and steal the few hours of happiness and hope we get looking at them-

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  9. i love this side of you :)
    lovely post.

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  10. Thankyou all of you for your words of support....I do judge myself for floundering about in my own personal (and political) anguish and depriving Arhaan of the "happy aneela" I could be. I really hope I can give him a balance of pragmatism and a rosy eyed view of the world (which he should be allowed for some time).
    Cheeky: yes sweetheart this is me...though Im sure I could find in classic Aneela style a bollywood angle to this as well.

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  11. Awww Aneela..this is a beautiful post..Lots of love to you both.:)

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  12. May you grow up to a happier world and may none of the demons that visit me cross your door step.
    all my prayers and more. ...
    amen. amen. amen. to that! lovely post...rejuvenated me after getting my lil one from the hospital!

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  13. yep - you got that right. and now if you insist on my nevvie sleeping in a crib - or God forbid, discipline the little lion cub (have you ever seen a lion cub being locked up in a crib, i ask you?!) you'll have me to deal with...

    look at that darling little smile... he's adorable.
    btw - i know you have your hands full but you're tagged

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  14. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Sorry. I dont normally do this. But he's adorable. God bless! May he grow in the true tradition of the hybrids.

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