Saturday, August 25, 2012

The "Just Married, Please Excuse" Contest

yes it is amazing how much I can milk that day for!  Full paisa vasool signing that register I say.
So pehle the rules:


It's really very, very simple - 

1. You write a post on your blog, describing an incident aboutsomething funny that has happened to you as a part of married life, preferably when you were 'Just Married'. (By 31st August 2012)

2. HarperCollins and I (WHERE I IS Ms. YASHODHARA LAL) select the 20 best entries and they will be sent copies of her book; and 10 Delhi-based bloggers get to join her and VK Karthika, (Chief Editor of HarperCollins and all round super-cool person) for a leisurely Saturday lunch at the new Mamagoto outlet in Gurgaon for some really great food ( I'm told the Khan Market outlet is never less than packed, and for good reason). Oh, and there'll be some good conversation too :).


Some things to keep in mind to be eligible for this contest: (Yashodhara  picked these up fromParul's earlier contests)

1. The Title of your post should be The 'Just Married, Please Excuse' Contest 
2. Please include in your post a link back to this post, so that your blog readers know what the heck is going on, and more people can participate.
3. Please leave a link to your entry in the comments section to this post.
4. In case you don't have a blog of your own, do leave your entry in the comments section to this post and we will consider that story, too. In case you face issues while commenting, email me your story at yashodhara dot lal at gmail dot com (But only up to two such comment/email entries can win, so you better make it funny)
5.Note -If you're not married, but still want to participate, you can do it - just tell us about a funnyJust Married story about someone you know! 



OK now getting to my entry. I will concentrate on the JUST. So Just So JUST that the ink on the nikahnama is still wet and liable to smudge your fingers. (Dear Ms Y, I should get 5 extra marks just for this). I will also for the 20 bonus points give you  examples of wackiness in my family when it comes to all things nuptial over three generations and some more. Wah! wah! For as my sister quoted one day "Insanity does not run in my family. Rather, it strolls through, taking its time, getting to know everyone personally"..and what better occasion to show you this,  than when we are just done I-doing


Let us begin with my grandfather. Solid aadmi, pucca JAG officer, proud Father of the Bride.  Fifteen minutes post wedding lunch. The boy's family (bear in mind the groom is the only son, sisters ready to rock this party) just getting into the groove, the bride (youngest daughter of the family (maa ki ladli, apple of dad's eye) is settling in for a prolonged crying "bid the bride" goodbye session once all the dancing is done. 
The Father of the Bride looks at his watch. Ab aisa hai its siesta time for me now. So if you are leaving now, tou I will see the couple to the door. Otherwise best of luck kids. Toodle-loo!
This is my family's commitment to their mid-afternoon shut eye. Impressed?
Kamaal hai! Brigadier sahib had his lunch, saw off the newly married couple, drove his family home, settled in for his afternoon snooze and still had time to read the morning papers.

And then there are the cousins. One has just had her nikah read to the love of her life. Everyone has said their duas and are congratulating each other. For some insane reason her younger sister has been referring to the brother-in-law as Mamoo (maternal uncle) for most of her young adult life. I am sure it has been explained This Must Stop. He aint even a brother. "CONGRATULATIONS MAMA! FINALLY MY BROTHER IN LAW" her voice pipes up. Maulvi sahib (subtitles) SWEET JESUS! WHAT IN THE @#$%% HAVE I LANDED MYSELF INTO! LETS GO THROUGH THAT NIKAH-NAAMA AGAIN.

And then there was me. 
Who had decided many many years ago that  she would not do something as plebian as get married khudaya!
But well one day I realized I had to either marry the guy or put him on some kind of pension for services rendered over a decade.
But of course I would not "settle down" for the typical typical smile benignly from a sofa on a stage, ghoonghat to her knees, fifteen kids pulling my dupatta, aunts counting one's necklaces, booking a shaadi hall, or settling for one of those garden  banuets. No, no my day is going to be different. Far from the madding crowds. There will be water, yes. Check. Sun set, mellow light, check. Angrez type celebrant, yes! And food which has no Urdu subtitles. Also passion fruit consomme curlicues when they slice up the cake. Does your firni come with that hainjee?
So this was the venue.
Please admire.

 Clothes  ready. Mom pacified. WHAT IF I FREEZE TO DEATH IN MY  SARI? she asks me THIS IS NO SPRING. YOU SAID IT WAS SPRING HERE!

I was wearing a little bit of the new, a little bit of the old world
All set for a  classy sunset ceremony by the sea. First road block. The make up artist. You mention South Asia. You add wedding. And she has googled Bollywood Heroines and I look like Baby Nimmi meets Jaya Prada. 
And then as you drive to the venue you understand what the caterer meant by "you do know what date it is?" It is the evening of the Grand Final, the most important day in the sports calendar for a football crazy city.. The city puts up giant screens in parks and grounds so everyone can follow it. There will be a lot of beer, barbie (BBQ) and boyz involved. And then there is me,  all decked up. So I did not want crowds ogling at me in my wedding finery? Did not want to be up on a wedding stage, cameras going crazy?
 well was it or was it not poetic justice that I find myself crossing the road wearing my mother’s wedding gharara with football fans, toddlers, uncles , auntyji, picnic hampers, cars honking away, . .. and the other half of the city going Hai! Woh Dekho Dulhan.

I will end with ...no its not someone from my family, but someone I knew as a kid. Some time earlier this year this pic went viral. It was part of the mehendi (pre-wedding) celebrations. The groom's friends dressed up as Darth Vader and I believe StormTrooper meets Feudal Lord Henchman. The groom came and "fought" with DarthVader for his girl. I think the bride just decided to get her Princess Leia costume back from the dry cleaners in time for the wedding.



Now if this doesn't get me a seat at your table Yashodara, I don't know what will.



9 comments:

  1. once i am able to wipe the smile off my face i will come back and post a comment ...

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  2. Thats quite a hilarious account of wedding scenes in the family.
    all the best for the contest.
    BTW-I am kirti and I came here through Yashodara's blog.

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  3. Tumhaarey khaandan par humein naaz hai!
    Aur tumhaari tau har baat hi niraali hai!!!!!!

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  4. I was laughing out loud on that just comment BEFORE I read your appeal for extra marks to Y. Totally the reason I love reading you even when some esoteric references are far beyond my sense of humour's reach.
    All the best for that lunch and the book copy!

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  5. Erm. About the make-up: http://orangejammies.com/2012/08/28/to-the-unrecognizable-pink-faced-bride/

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  6. ROFL.... arre how did we miss this part in our gupshup...added to december catchup list!!!

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  7. shame on you,pakiostan is in a messs because of india and america

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  8. Okay don't answer my previous question! YOU WON! Woohoo! Your Brigadier Sahib has scared the crap out of me because there's an almost identical scene in the story I've been writing since 24,000 years.

    ReplyDelete

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